'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
