Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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