Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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