Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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