good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
