what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
