i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
