A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
