Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
