If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
this hospital has no fireball
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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