Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
