I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
