is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize
