I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
