a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
