I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
