his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Use "feeling words"
Yay
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
