Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
