oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
