Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
