he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
