Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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