Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm sobbing to NWA
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
