His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
