with your own penis?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Randomize
