i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
