I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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