Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
