My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
