i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
