i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You dont lie about slip and slides
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
my poor anus
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
