My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
