Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
