I heard we made out
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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