your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You are the jesus of drinking
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
