please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
