I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
