I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
