porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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