Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
