I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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