u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
