how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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