Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
