She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
