I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
