oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
