I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
