Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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