She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
