shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
