My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
