if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
