I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
