Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Randomize
