Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize