oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
