remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
