Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
