Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
