I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
