The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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