My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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