my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
he thought i was a dude.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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